Thanksgiving, Bass Pro & Bon-Fires

Micah had a great Thanksgiving at Mimi & Papa's (Vince's parents) in Mississippi -- before long he'll be making his own smores, traipsing through the woods and shooting BB guns with his cousins.

(glad he's still little...mama wasn't ready for all that this year...oh dear...)

One Year Ago, TODAY!!!!!

This sweet baby was in our in-box:

And, here he is today!!!

Blessed be the LORD forever!
Amen and Amen.
Ps. 89:52

ready for HOMES

For those of you considering an adoption from Ethiopia, our agency has children 4-years old and older ready for placement. If you would like more info, please email me at themartins@awaa (dot) org.

Despite the surprises...

...we strive forward in the call of adoption. Eyes wide-open, yet hearts tender. We have witnessed the need--it is now carved into our souls. Yet, instead of closing the blinds, we have flung-wide our doors...Heavenly Father, make Your home with us...and bring whomever you shall.

A voice cries:
“In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD;
make straight in the desert a highway for our God.
Every valley shall be lifted up,
and every mountain and hill be made low;
the uneven ground shall become level,
and the rough places a plain.
And the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
and all flesh shall see it together,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

surprising difficulties of international adoption, #4

The final surprise (at least, that I'm sharing in this series) that we experienced with Micah happened during our first several weeks with him.

Again, the best comparison I can make is to that of an engagement. Over the years, Vince and I have had the privilege of counseling engaged couples as they prepare for marriage. And the reality is for most couples, their unfolding marriage is not what they were expecting...sometimes it's better, easier than expected...but, most often it's much more difficult. Difficult doesn't equal bad. Difficult simply reflects the fact that humans are physically, emotionally and spiritually-complex beings -- therefore, marriage is a complex institution. Multi-dimensional.

The same goes for bringing a child into your family through adoption. (NOTE: even though we do not have biological children, families who do have bio children have also experienced this scenario that I am about to describe with their adopted children.)

Prior to meeting your child/ren, you've bonded with their photos...and you've bonded with the child that your imagination has created. It is impossible to predict personality and temperament from pictures, so your mind connects a personality and temperament to the child/ren according to how you brain reads the limited data captured on film.

The real child is much different than the two-dimensional, glossy child. Much more complex.

You've been full-steam ahead...focused intensely on meeting your sweet child. Um, well, your imagined child, that is. But when you're united, the imagined child crashes into the real child -- and you immediately enter what is best described as a fog.

Once you're back to the familiarity of your own home, you do emerge from the fog. But not really as mommy, more like baby-sitter -- because you do not know this child.

I think I read about this phenomenon in adoptive-parenting books. But like the dreamy-eyed lover, I must have ignored all that I read because this stage caught me off-guard. I truly felt like Micah's baby-sitter. Jet-lag and Micah's anxiety about his new surroundings didn't help matters either. I grieved and experienced intense guilt because of what I was feeling: was there something wrong with me because I did not have an instantaneous and deep emotional bond with him??

The answer is: NO!!!

What I was experiencing was completely normal. Social workers affirmed that it was normal. Other adoptive families who were united with their children after us also experienced the very same thing. Now, I know some of you who are reading this are thinking: Nope! Won't be me. I'll just read more books, pray harder. I will instantly bond with my children. None of this "baby-sitter" nonsense for me. All I can say is, keep me posted. Let me know if you do by-pass the baby-sitter season. Well, never mind -- don't bother. I probably won't believe you. I'll probably just attribute your victory to a "referral euphoria" relapse.

I don't share this (or surprises #1-3) to scare you, or deter you. It's just the way it is. You will over-come each surprise that you experience in your adoption...some later than sooner. But you will be stronger, more informed because of each surprise you encounter. So don't dread them, or even worse, deny them...embrace them. You are human -- your child/ren is human. All human relationships develop in a linear fashion -- and include the linear elements of time and experience. And this will hold true for your adoption...it will hold true for you, and your child. So give yourself, and your child, time and space to grow.

That's what adoption is: the process of fulfilling a life-long commitment. Through your obedience to your commitment, life-long blessing will follow.

Indescribable blessing.

surprising difficulties of international adoption, #3

In-Country Experience:

This was another one that caught me off-guard. From the first moment we arrived in Ethiopia, I felt totally conspicuous. Of course, for obvious reasons: two white faces in a sea of brown ones. I had experienced this before during our travels to China and Central America. But this time my self-awareness was a little harder to brush-off.

Much of what I wrestled with was probably my own imagination. However, I simply couldn't keep from thinking that every set of chocolate eyes which glanced our direction pegged us as an adoptive family. No, "adoptive family" isn't a bad word -- but it is probably a painful reminder.

I wanted to paint a sign, and hang it around my neck, saying:
...We're not rich Americans who are adopting because it's the cool thing to do!!
...We love Ethiopia, and we will teach our son his culture and traditions!!
...We are doing more than adopting, but in ways you cannot see! We are supporting projects in Ethiopia to promote spiritual and social improvements!
...We value the people of Ethiopia, and want to see your nation conquer poverty, famine and disease!!

The glances that most often sent my own eyes toward the ground were the ones from women...especially, young women. Some of them probably weren't married, so not having children of their own. Or, maybe they did have children...but unable to care for them. And here I am with this beautiful Ethiopian child...
The whole experience just made my heart ache...in ways that I am unable to put into words.

And then came time to board our flight...to the US...on the other side of the world. It was all I could do to remain composed as we stood in line to check our luggage...more heavy glances. I grieved for the people of Ethiopia...I grieved for my son. Sin is a wicked thing -- no one is beyond its devastation. Except Jesus, and oh, how I praise God for that!!

The people of Ethiopia are most gracious. And I do know they understood what we were doing, and why it was so. But the fact that it was so...that's what ripped my heart.

But even in our own lives, it's often hard to perceive how God is redeeming the devastation that sin has left us with. But, one-child by one-child...whether through adoption, sponsorship, or able-biological families...I believe God is redeeming the devastation that has swept Africa. I believe that He is using His Own Adopted Children to "repay" this beautiful, precious continent for "the years that the locust have eaten." It may be generations before we see the effects. Or like Abraham, we as adoptive parents my not live to see the effects...but I still trust that salvation has come to Africa -- and as arrows in a quiver, God will release His Children...our children...to proclaim freedom to the captives!
Hallelujah!

Be glad, O children of Zion,
and rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given the early rain for your vindication;
he has poured down for you abundant rain,
the early and the latter rain, as before.
The threshing floors shall be full of grain;
the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.
I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.
You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
and praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.
You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
and that I am the LORD your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.
Joel 2:23-27

surprising difficulties of international adoption, #2

Court (this one may be Ethiopia-specific):

When you finally submit your dossier (application and documentation) to the country you wish to adopt from, you become increasingly obsessed with receiving a referral (ie- matched with a child/ren). It's practically all you can think about -- kind of like a bride anticipating her wedding day. (And we've all known an obnoxious bride, or two.) And to intensify matters, family and friends are constantly asking, "any news yet?" So, really, there are very few moments when you're not actively anticipating the call from your agency.

You begin to tell yourself (and even begin to tell God): if we could just get our referral I'll be able to handle anything that follows. Ohhhh, waiting for our referral is the hard part...once I finally see that face, my referral-day euphoria will enable me to patiently wait for months before I hold him/her.

(Hang on -- I need to laugh out loud for a moment before I continue -- hahahahahahahahahaha -- OK, I'm composed now)

Referral-day euphoria? Unfortunately, it's not long-lived. You kick into high-gear preparing for you child. All the while, realizing -yes- this is really happening. Kind of like the first week back from your honeymoon: your sweet hubby really does expect dinner on the table every night.
Day-dreamin' is over.
Although you're more than happy to have dinner ready by 5pm every night, it's still a good dose of reality! And same goes for adoption. There is an ebb-and-flow of this is really happening!

And then in the midst of frantically getting ready for your trip and your child, another reality sets in: court. What?? You mean our adoption is not down-hill from here...didn't accepting our child's referral finalize the adoption?? uh...NO! You've thought little about court before the referral; it wasn't a major source of anxiety. At least not until now. Isn't funny how we always default to: yeah, x-y-z may have been a nightmare for that family, but it won't be for us. No worries.

Well, you're assigned a court date, and as that day approaches, you do begin to fret!!
Oh no, maybe we will be that family with the nightmare story.

Referral-day euphoria? What's that?

OK, I realize I'm sounding really dramatic at this point, but this was completely what I experienced. Anticipating court was terrifying for me. There were so many variables that had to be in place. I just couldn't imagine how they could all come together like they needed to.

And do you know what? They didn't.

Let me deflate the drama. Our adoption was finally granted on our 4th court appearance (actually, our agency's 4th appearance, with our POA). It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Yes, we had signed our acceptance letter -- but the Ethiopian judge had the final decision. There was a chance our adoption request could have been denied. Albeit a slim one, but still... Ethiopian courts don't arbitrarily grant or deny adoptions -- they make their decision based on the facts. Is there sufficient evident to prove this child/ren is an orphan? And, in our case, it took several weeks to gather sufficient evidence.

In hind-sight, we are thankful for how Micah's story unfolded. The court delays and evidence gathered will help Micah process his story. And, oh how did God stretch, deepen our faith. We would not trade the journey through court with our Heavenly Father for any other senario. But needless to say, the whole court thing was surprisingly difficult.

And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.
He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’
For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.”’
And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says.
And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”
Luke 18:1-8