Ethio-Africa Fellowship, 10/15!!

Tomorrow night we're hosting an Ethiopia-African Fellowship at our home!  There's no agenda for the evening...just the opportunity for our families to hang-out!  We meet the 3rd Fri of every month (so mark your calendars)!  If you'd like to join us and want more info, email me here.

Also, a {big} congrats to our silent auction winners!  And Thank You to all who participated! 
We raised $500!!

what is he mixed with?

A few weeks ago, Micah and I were in the check-out line at Target. As I was getting ready to swipe my debit card, I heard the cashier say something in a somewhat-hushed voice.
Pardon me?
"What is he mixed with?" she asked a little louder.

It took me about 3 seconds before I realized what she was asking.
Oh, he was born in Ethiopia!!

"Ohhhhh, so he was adopted," she said, in what was probably her normal, louder tone.

I told Vince about it later that day -- I told him if I had been on my A-game I would have told the girl that he was mixed with a Pit Bull. Ha!

But, I'm glad that I hadn't been on my A-game that day. The cashier was not being rude...she was simply curious...and, rightfully so! I would never want to give her, or anyone else for that matter, a bad impression about adoptive families.

Vince and I walked into international adoption with eyes-wide-open. We knew we'd get lot's of questions...and lot's of stares. And you know what? We're OK with that...then, and now.

As I was waiting for Micah to come home, I spent alot of time in the Psalms. A theme that I encountered over and over was, Lord, I will praise you among the assembly and at the gates for Your grace, providence and wonderful deeds in my life.

That so resonated with my heart!! I knew that Micah's adoption was God's wonderful deed, that deserved my praise and testimony! So, I don't mind when people ask about our family...even when they are rude. It's always an opportunity to praise my God -- to tell of His wonderful deeds!! As well, we will teach our children to use the good & bad intrusions to glorify God!!

Ps 7:17 I will give to the LORD the thanks due to his righteousness,
and I will sing praise to the name of the LORD, the Most High.

1Ch 16:12 Remember the wondrous works that he has done,
his miracles and the judgments he uttered...

1Ch 16:24 Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous works among all the peoples!

Ps 63:2-8 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

for you have been my help,
and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

New Orleans and FOREVER FAMILIES

We had the awesome opportunity to gather with dear Ethiopian adoptive families in NOLA last week-end. What a sweet time! It's so fun to see how much our kids have changed since they came home -- and to watch them play and interact together. And New Orleans is such a perfect place to meet...we all parked our cars, stayed at the same hotel, and took to the streets. There was something for everyone to do!!

This wasn't intentional, but here we have Micah with all ladies. All the mommies are already talking arranged-marriages amongst each other-- heh heh!!

Micah David and Micah Yoseph.

Jane Grace and Micah. We took Jane Grace a care-package when we traveled to Ethiopia (her family picked her up several months later).

Bread Pudding...a highlight for me!! Micah enjoyed a few bites as well, and promptly pitched a crying-screaming-manic fit when mommy told him last bite. It was so embarrassing--we were in a jam-packed restaurant the size of a large kitchen--so we had quite an audience. The sweet ladies behind the counter brought him a to-go box full of bread pudding, thinking he'd be happy to have a carry-out bag. But, oh no, it was either shovel it down his throat or scream. Needless to say, we went back to the hotel for a nap.

Strolling after breakfast at Cafe du Monde...

Our room with a view.

Our first Birmingham Adoption Fellowship!!!!

Last night we had a pseudo-Genna party at our house!! A house FULL of old and new friends joined us with their kiddos, and their stories of the kiddos they anticipate joining their families!! We had a wonderful, crazy evening! This had actually been a missing piece from our Springfield days. When Vince and I started our journey to Micah, we had a fantastic opportunity to hang-out monthly with other African adoptive families....and we have missed this group SO MUCH!!!!! There's just something special about the bond between adoptive families -- and especially transracial adoptive families....a place to feel safe...and normal!! But was last night a beautiful reminder that we can have that right here in Birmingham, too!! I think all the families were equally encouraged and we all promised each other that we're going to do this often!!!

Two of the families who joined us have children adopted from Ethiopia. One family had recently completed the adoption of a beautiful African-American baby boy. A fourth family is anxiously awaiting the call about their daughter in Uganda. And the rest of the families are pursuing/praying about adoption/fostering.

Juda, Ben and Micah (baby Cooper will be romping around with them soon enough!!)

Stephanie, Casey and baby Cooper

Micah's Genna gift. Traditionally, clothing is given to children for Genna, but I goofed and gave Micah his sweat suit for Christmas and left the train for Genna. Oh, details, details!

Dr. Russel Moore (Southern Seminary) on transracial adoption & THE GOSPEL

Dr. Moore's message is well-worth your 5 minutes...be challenged...be inspired!!!

just an observation

This just is just an observation that I've made lately...so take it for what it's worth. Trans-racial adoptions have many complexities -- and this is one of them.

Before Vince and I returned home with Micah -- actually, before we even submitted our application to adopt from Ethiopia, we frequently discussed how outsiders might perceive our family -- both white and black people. Living in the deep-south we expected some resistance to our trans-racial family, but we just weren't sure what that resistance would look like. The sad reality is, in the US skin color has been at the root of many problems for many years...long before Micah was born...long before I was born. (So please understand I do not share this observation flippantly.)

No, I did not expect the African-American community to do black-flips because a Caucasian couple adopted an Ethiopian child, BUT, I did not expect the coldness either. I'm not completely sure how to process the blank stares and looks of contempt. Sometimes it's the lack of eye-contact that is most noticeable...I don't think we'd earn a glance even if we were standing next to Jesus.

Part of me wants to share our story with these strangers, but then part of me wants to simply glare back. Most often I just look away...at a loss to initiate some type of connection. I'm not sure if the image of our family elicits insult -- i.e. you can't get it right, so we're going to do it for you??? NOTE: our goal in parenting an African child is not so we can make him white!!!! People with light skin are equally as screwed up as people with darker skin!! What's even more complex about the situation is that Micah is not even African-American...he's Ethiopian. Kind of like, though I have light skin I still have NOTHING in common with someone from Eastern Europe...other than skin color. (An African-American friend pointed this out to us...his culture is completely different from the Ethiopian culture.) So, to be nit-picky about it, Micah is Ethiopian-American, not African-American -- we will raise him according to this Ethiopian heritage. But, I digress...

On the other hand, white folks have their own unique reaction to us...which, interestingly enough, I often find insulting. Comments like, "Oh, he's much better off now..." Really? Why? Because we're white Americans?? I kind of understand their thinking: access to better health care and education are definitely benefits. But, those opportunities are not the end-all-be-all --- they don't necessarily out-purpose the opportunity to remain in one's home land with one's birth family. Micah has not been adopted into our family because America is superior or more resourced, but because God works all things (in Micah's case, all things being some very sad circumstances) together for good (my paraphrase, Rom 8:28).

So, I have been trying to view our family through the eyes of strangers. What would be my knee-jerk reaction be if I encountered an African-American family with Caucasian children? Would I do a double-take? Probably. But, would I experience anger toward that family? Oh, I pray not!! What look do other trans-racial families read on my face?


This is the attitude I strive for, even while being misunderstood by suspicious on-lookers:

Ga 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Col 3:11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

...again, just thought-processing in hope of greater understanding...

UPDATE: SHORTLY AFTER WRITING THIS POST, MICAH & I VENTURED OUT TO TARGET WHERE WE WERE TREATED VERY KINDLY BY TWO (YOUNG-20S) AFRICAN AMERICAN GIRLS...MAYBE THE VIBE I'M CATCHING HERE & THERE IS JUST A GENERATIONAL THING...

Race Matters, part 2: The Debunking

In April, Vince & I planned to attend T4G 2008 (Together For the Gospel @ Southern Seminary) -- however, due to conflicts we were not able to go. We did, however, get to listen online. One speaker especially impacted us:

Thabiti Anyabwile, pastor in Grand Cayman, shared a message entitled Bearing the Image: Identity, the Work of Christ, and the Church (you can click on the message title to find it & listen). In the midst of adopting from Africa, what Thabiti shared was not only compelling, but convicting...

Here's an excerpt/paraphrase...

Six reasons to abandon the category of race:
1- Abuse of people & scripture...Gen 1, 3, 5, 10 have been tragically taken out of context to promote man's agenda, not God's
2- It’s a very short walk from race to racism (from unity to disunity)...the word 'race' is most always used to highlight differences, not similarities
3- Race as a topic prevents/hinders meaningful engagement with others…the idea of race is inherently against ‘the man’… the topic of ‘race’ has an internal self-destruct mechanism
4- Race undermines the authority & sufficiency of Scripture…God’s Word defines us as ALL being created in His image, different skin colors are in perfect unity in God, because God is in perfect unity with himself...Race infers a genetic, biological difference among humans that is permanent
5- Race causes us to resist the Holy Spirit...when God impresses on our soul to reach out to someone of another ethnicity, race becomes an imaginary canyon we cannot cross
6- Race undermines the Gospel itself..."Go into ALL nations..."

All skin colors of humanity are...
...in union with Adam-- we are each fallen & sinful
Rom 3:22-24 This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

...in union with Christ (as Believers)-- we are all being transformed into the likeness of Christ; our new self is being renewed in the image of our Creator
Col 3:11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

...in unity with the church-- the Church should display the new humanity created in Jesus
Eph 5:14-21 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.

...unified in glory--
Rev 5:9-10 And they sang a new song:
"You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."

All that said, Thabiti did not undermine the beauty of ethnicity, which is permeable & adaptable -- and the supreme ethnicity for Christians is ‘Christian'.

one author's thoughts...

from Catch of the Day
Adopted - by John Fischer

His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure. (Ephesians 1:5). I know something about this feeling. We have an adopted son and the pleasure he has brought us has been unequaled. And I thought I was doing him a favor.
We have two of our own who are now adults and pretty much out of the house. This new little guy could be our grandson. I often tell people having a child at this stage in life is like being a grandfather without having to give the child up. I know grandparents are supposed to like the fact that they can return their grandchildren to sender, but in this case we are doubly blessed because that would be very hard to do, as attached as we are.
What's really going on here is something I'm not quite sure I can explain, it's just that I haven't loved anyone in quite the way that I love my adopted son. There is no question that he is mine. It's not like he's in second position or anything less than my own. In some strange way he is more mine than my own, and I know that I can't explain that. The fact that he doesn't belong to me by birth means nothing because he belongs to me anyway. I've always loved him. He has my name. I have his papers.
I grew up in a family that did not look very favorably on adoption. I had a cousin who, according to the adults in the family was always causing trouble. And I always heard she was trouble because she was adopted. Bad blood. Should have stuck to our own. Never know what you let in otherwise. If someone even hints of this kind of thinking in regards to my adopted son now, they will meet with my wrath and it will not be a pretty sight.
By the way, I haven't been in touch with my cousin very much but when I do talk to her I realize how wrong we all were about her. I don't know of anyone with more love and compassion than this person. And she will do anything for you at the drop of a hat. She has so many legitimate reasons to be resentful, but she is not.
Now here's the point. How I feel about my son is just a small picture of how God feels about you and me. We have all been adopted into the same family. No one can degrade us or take us away from where we belong. And there's a whole bunch of us who, as brothers and sisters, share this incredible privilege together. And here's the catch: God did this so we could bring Him much pleasure. I understand this now.
http://www.fischtank.com/

Ethnicity Matters More

As Vince and I were praying about pursing an Ethiopia adoption, we sought wisdom from a variety of people…including people of color. A dear friend of Vince’s from seminary is African American (his mother is African American and his father is from Kenya) so we naturally sough counsel from him – specifically, about his thoughts regarding a black child being raised by white parents. His advice was very enlightening & encouraging.

The first thing he informed us about was that people of color hated to be lumped into the singular category of “black people.” Individuals can share a similar skin color, while having absolutely nothing else in common. Although Vince and I are white, there are many white people that we have nothing in common with – similarly, there will be many ‘black’ people that our Ethiopian child with have nothing in common with.

He detailed the point even further by explaining that because our child is Ethiopian, he/she will identify with other Ethiopians. He explained how important it will be for us to introduce our child to all aspects of Ethiopian ethnicity…especially other Ethiopians.

There are also some college students at our church who are Kenyan – so we sought their international perspective…and they were delighted to hear about our Ethiopian adoption endeavors. They spoke very highly of Ethiopian culture and people – they too stressed the importance of preserving our child’s ethnicity by seeking opportunities to incorporate Ethiopian culture (food, music, tradition, history, etc.) and pursuing intentional relationships with other Ethiopians.

Vince & I concur whole-heartily with the above observations and are excited about weaving Ethiopia into the fibers of our family!!

Those of you who read my previous post may have seen a comment left by an anonymous reader. And they also offered a wonderful perspective about Ethiopian people & adoption…thank you!!

Anonymous said...
"Ethiopians are the only African look like who have no reason to blame, mistrust, accuse, dislike, hate or revenge against anyone especially the European look like. Ethiopians have never been colonized, enslaved, discriminated or anything similar by any white person because of their skin colour. Ethiopians see the Italian invasion of Abyssinia no more or no less than the same way Germany did to the rest of Europe. So, there is no the race thing here.

When The Arabs and Ottomans directly and indirectly invaded Ethiopia 1529-1543) to spread Islam through massacre against Christians and destruction against all religion symbols including burning down more than 2000(two thousands churches), the European Christian sisters and brothers came to defend Ethiopia. And as a result the barbaric Islamic invaders were driven out much of Northern and central Ethiopia despite since then the situation in the country has been dramatically changed.
This is the mentality Ethiopians have about the European look like person.
So, your future Ethiopian children will have many reasons to embrace you with heart that you are their parents unconditionally. Although Ethiopians are considered to be blacks, their history, character, culture and the likes are very different from the rest of Africa.
You, my dear and the rest of the adopting parents need to understand Ethiopians with their long tradition of Christian faith(Became a nation religion since 333AC) and they consider the European look like people thier sisters and brothers in faith. Because they never tested as it was happened to the rest of Africa, many Ethiopians have no any racism feeling under their skin.
So, don't warry about your children race issue. Tell them about the Ethiopian people brother/-sisterhood history with the white race."

Race Matters...

…this is my conclusion thus far based on the trans-racial adoption/family lit that I’ve read. (I’d be interested to know what the rest of my fellow-YG is discovering as well) However, just because race does matter, doesn’t mean it has to be problematic.

All of my life I’ve believed that being “color-blind” was a politically-correct attitude worth achieving – but what I’ve discovered is, in fact, quite the opposite. The notion that someone is “color-blind” suggests that there is an attribute that needs to be overlooked (ie- skin color). If skin color isn’t a big deal, then I shouldn’t need to be “blind” to it.

According to dictionary.com, when blind is used as an adjective, it means: unwilling or unable to perceive or understand; lacking all consciousness or awareness. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound like a good thing to me???

A recurrent struggle for adolescent trans-racial adoptees seems to be that people are color-blind – especially their family members. Dismissing the race issue isolates adopted children as they begin to perceived race differences in their environment; they don’t have the freedom the to openly & verbally wrestle with this new-found awareness, because their family’s first response is to minimize differences in race.

Talking about skin color isn’t taboo – I don’t believe God gave us diversity, only to ignore it. Vince & and I are going to strive for our home to be a safe place to discover and talk about our differences from the very beginning, so, instead of fearing them, our children will hopefully embrace them.

…just a few thoughts for today – I’ll revisit this issue soon…

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

-MLK, Jr

What We're Reading

Alisa is reading
Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib by Jaiya John:
Jaiya John has the distinction of being the first African American baby adopted by a white family in the state of New Mexico. John’s lyrical memoir details his life as a black child growing up in a mostly-white community during the late 1960s and ‘70s. This childhood branded in him a burning passion for giving his life to improve the way human beings relate to each other. Jaiya studied psychology at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Oregon, and earned his doctorate from the University of California, Santa Cruz in social psychology.

Vince is reading
I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World by Marguerite Wright:
A child's concept of race is quite different from that of an adult. Young children perceive skin color as magical--even changeable--and unlike adults, are incapable of understanding adult predjudices surrounding race and racism. Just as children learn to walk and talk, they likewise come to understand race in a series of predictable stages.
Based on Marguerite A. Wright's research and clinical experience, I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla teaches us that the color-blindness of early childhood can, and must, be taken advantage of in order to guide the positive development of a child's self-esteem.
Wright answers some fundamental questions about children and race including:
-What do children know and understand about the color of their skin?
- When do children understand the concept of race?
-Are there warning signs that a child is being adversely affected by racial prejudice?
-How can adults avoid instilling in children their own negative perceptions and prejudices?
-What can parents do to prepare their children to overcome the racism they are likely to encounter?
-How can schools lessen the impact of racism?
With wisdom and compassion, I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla spells out how to educate black and biracial children about race, while preserving their innate resilience and optimism--the birthright of all children

We'll keep you posted about the content and insight from each of these authors.