5.27.2010

Let Us Not Grow Weary!

"My friends, adoption is redemption.
It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous.
Buying back lives costs so much.
When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him." --Derek Loux

I've seen this quote before, and stumbled upon it again today. There are many things on my heart this morning, things I am praying about...some directly related to meeting our son in China, some indirectly. The last few weeks I've hit the highs & lows of adoption.

Some of the lows...
this is the last time...I cannot endure the anxiety again...I cannot fill out one more application...I cannot wait for one more person to review an application I've submitted...the waiting to meet our son, only to discover we'll be waiting yet longer...the desperate thoughts of begging & borrowing to paying the remaining costs of our son's adoption...doing calculations on every piece of scratch paper/napkin, trying to pull something out of nothing...

Some of the highs...
...God is always faithful to remind me...the waiting is His, the paperwork is His, the finances are His...the faith is His...even the capability to be obedient...IT'S ALL HIS!!

That said, I do have personal responsibility throughout this process...
...bear my cross, WITH JOY...and renounce the thoughts, stuff (and sometimes even people) that hinder me from being fully-devoted to the joy of His salvation...remember, that though this cost me much, the return is immeasurable!

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’
Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.
So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.
“Salt is good, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored?
It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Luke 14:25-35

5 comments:

La Dolce Vita said...

I am SO with you...completely. Love the quote.

Adrienne said...

Amen! Adoption is not for the faint of heart. Your faith and patience will be rewarded. God is good and He is all over this! Stay strong!

Polly said...

Thanks for being so "real and honest" Alisa. I'm guessing these same emotions are right around the corner for me and it is encouraging to know ahead of time.... I'm not alone. I am praying for your patience, strength and a precious baby boy headed your way very soon. : )

KLT said...

Alisa,

In my own life, I can't help but think that there are times, despite my originally pure (as much as I can know) motives in our adoption journeys, that some part of the process becomes an idol itself. Instead of following God, I get more concerned about what I think should be happening. How is it that I find it so hard to maintain the clarity of focus of knowing His heart and loving Him first, when I am captivated by what I believe to be one of His passions! It's a paradox, I think, but one that is a constant struggle for me and, perhaps, captures some of what you've been feeling lately, too. I'm praying right now for a fresh outpouring of God's grace for your moments of trial in the days to come.

alisa said...

Thanks, KT!
You described me perfectly! I'm going to share your comment in my next post!!

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