I am unashamed to be a Follower of Jesus.
I am unashamed to be an adoptive-mommy.
I am unashamed of my sons.
I am unashamed of my husband.
I am unashamed that we can't keep up with the Joneses.
I am unashamed that I don't fit. That I don't match.

Each of the statements above are not meant to be a brag. It has been through many tears and even more sanctifying days, weeks and years that I can speak those sentences. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain- 1 Cor 15:10

Let me ask you this.

Have you ever had a feeling like, you don't belong? Not a pity-party...just a simple feeling, that, you don't belong?

I feel that way from time to time. And this feeling always gives me an out-of-body-experience (well, kind of). Makes me ask myself, what am I doing? why don't I fit? am I even suppose to fit?

I suppose many Followers of Christ ask themselves these questions. (Well, probably the whole world asks these questions--but, sadly, they are looking in all the wrong places for answers.)

For me, the context that I ask myself these questions is: North America, southeastern US, Bible-belt, land of the SEC, land of give-me-football-or-give-me-death, suburbia.

And while I am asking who am I, in the a fore mentioned context, what comes to mind is this:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect- Rom 12:2
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you- John 15:9
Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds- Eph 4:17
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God- James 4:4
And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever- 1 John 2:17

I don't intentionally turn to these verses (and others like them), the Holy Spirit does that. Yet, do you see the conflict that causes my pause?
...$30,000 cars...the world is passing away...football is king...therefore the world hates you...education trumps holiness...do not be conformed to this world...$75 blue jeans...enemy of God...granite counter-tops...discern what is the will of God...401Ks...futility of their minds


I want different.
I don't want to be content with this inner-conflict -- surely inner-conflict is God's beginning place and not His ending point. Right?
I want other. Not sure what that is, or where it leads. (Although I am quite certain my idea of different does not involve being cool -- I'm so weary of cool) I just know that I want it--for myself, and for my family. Not sure how to get there either, but I have a idea that (for me) it begins with a thankful heart. It begins with trusting God. It begins with being broken. It begins with being unashamed of God's lot for my life.

So here I am. Unashamed. Ready for other. Father, make known to me the path of LIFE in this life!!

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore

Prov 16:5-11


KLT said...

I think you and I could have some great chats. I like how you think! This post resonated with me today. It was a heavy day, thinking about life, culture, religion, power, poverty, privilege, and knowing Joy. I felt overwhelmed.

Still, I'm thankful that I, too, have "set the LORD always before me" because He is my Rock when I'm not sure what else is. Thank you for sharing this today.

Alison said...

Beatiful...thanks for sharing your heart! Love this...in His presence only is there fullness of joy! I repeat those words often in my heart!

scarthur said...

Thank you for this- beautifully written and completely where I am and have struggled "being" the last few years. Thank you for sharing your heart and that there are other "non-conformers" out there! :)

Christy said...

Thank you for being so bold and challenging me in my faith and calling (and probably many others!):)

Amy ReneƩ said...

I wanna be your friend!!!! I live this so I must love you!!!! Please oh please I hope we meet in China soon!!!

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