Yes, we're extemely frustrated & extemely disappointed, but, we're not a wreck.
It's kind of like this:
You know how in Psalm 23 the psalmist talks about walking "through the valley of the shadow of death"? Well, our journey is more like walking through the valley of the shadow of despair. We are not in despair, but it is a shadow looming over us. No, I don't think despair will have it's way with us, but it is a reality that would like to have it's way with us. God is allowing us to see it from afar, all the while, His mighty arm keeping it at bay.
This is not a pity-party, but below are a few realities of the final stages of an adoption. Yes, this is what we signed-up for. Here's quote I read on someone's blog: Adoption is not about families getting children, but about children getting families. Very true, but very messy.
- half-packed suitcases, here and there...baby clothes that will soon be too small
- formula in the kitchen with an expiration of 5/09...secret thought: oh, surely I will not have to throw this away!
- commitments that we hesitate to make, because we do not know what the next several weeks will look like...continual limbo
- empty picture frames in Vince's office...he can't show-off his boy until the adoption is finalized
- lots & lots of questions from dear friends & family, but few answers for them
- our son approaching 7 months...what precious moments are we missing...first words? crawling?
-a lot of wrestling with 'why?'
Again, we are not in despair. We are not defeated. We are not hopeless. But, we are human -- and we thankful that God is mindful of this...For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust (Ps 103:14).
We know that, though this part seems never-ending, never-ending is not true. This is but a page in the book of our lives...and it will turn soon enough.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff,they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Hey...and, thanks for asking! :)